Sometimes super human will is the most amazing gift of all. Lately I have been facing my own inner demons of self doubt... never in my life have I ever strived for something I wasn't certain I would achieve. I have always, ALWAYS played it safe. I have been beyond fortunate to have the blessings I do. A loving and hilarious husband, two smart, healthy and quirky kids, a warm roof over my head, food in my belly... thankfully God has taken care of me.
But I never tried for anything that I was really passionate about if it wasn't a sure thing... I dropped out of JV pommie tryouts when I wasn't picking up the choreography fast enough for my comfort. I ran home the first day of Cross Country practice because it was hard. I never showed after the first week of swimming in HS because I hadn't swam competitively before and was nervous.
Of course, those are all examples from high school. I've probably grown since then, but maybe not. I haven't taken the GRE or gone on to grad school or applied for any super challenging careers. I've been busy, of course, with my personal life. Having babies and raising a family IS a job, don't get me wrong. But until this year, well, I guess last year, I never put myself out there. I have always carried my love for the written word and my characters in my back pocket. Held close and dear and not to be shared (except with my sister). Partly because I wasn't ready, but also because I wasn't READY.
No one wants to hear criticism. No one likes to hear that they aren't as good as they hope they are. Just last night I had a mini panic attack thinking of putting my book up on Amazon and allowing people who don't know me to comment and rate it.
But there comes a time in your life that you just have to face it. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?
Which brings me to my video for the day: Misty Copeland, the most beautiful dancer in the universe. She is also the first black dancer to be made a soloist with the ABC and looks completely wrong by all traditional ballet standards (of which there are many). But there she is, her giant portrait out in front of the MET. Wow.
http://ac360.blogs.cnn.com/2014/12/18/ballerina-misty-copeland-makes-history/
Think of the risk she took. Think of the courage it took to put herself out there again and again and again. KNOWING she had the talent deep within her, but also not being sure that others would allow her to showcase it. Goodness. Makes my little amazon venture seem pretty simple, doesn't it?
Happy Monday, all. Let's all scare the bejeezus out of ourselves today.
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